After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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