I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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