things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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