after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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