i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
