U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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