I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
