this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
