I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
