well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
