Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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