1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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