I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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