my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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