Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bet he comes in French.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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