i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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