i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
