I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
