peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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