somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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