Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
