Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
