there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
