Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
