i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize