i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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