the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
