i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
