Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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