god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
