Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
