a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize