I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
