He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
