When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
