I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
