She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
