oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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