And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize