So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
