i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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