yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
