apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
