Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
