Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
