just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
