we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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