just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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