she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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