just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
