I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
