I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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