I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
