I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
