there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
