I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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