guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she smelled like a LAN party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
