at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
