dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
