Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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