Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
