Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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