the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
