I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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