Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The air was thick with penises
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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