Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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