My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
