allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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