Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize