i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Terrible idea I love it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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