are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
