careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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