Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
