you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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