My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
