I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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