community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize