we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
