We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
