He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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