I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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