Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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