This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
