I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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