Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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