he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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