two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
