There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
