the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
