I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize