My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wear drunk well.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
