Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
