sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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