you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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