Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
