i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
