if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
